Re-Parenting yourself

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Say this to yourself:

"My mission should I choose to accept it, is to find peace with exactly who I am . To take pride in my thoughts, my appearance, my flaws and to stop this incessant worrying that I can't be loved as I am".Anaïs Nin

Just before putting my thoughts down to write this post, I had a flash memory of my Mom's luncheon party feasts when I was a teenager. She is an amazing cook and a wholehearted woman. Her focus was rigorous when it comes to feeding the guests, pleasing  the neighbors,  and going out of her way to  gift her girlfriends.  She usually forgot her essential needs, and hard to get her attention when she was consumed in an "unselfish" task. I am not sure why I brought this up but the unconscious wanted to remind me  that  my mother is a perfect example of someone who put everyone's need above her own. 

It is hard to practice self-soothing in a culture that has taught us that being selfish is the worst thing we could ever be.  It is selfish to take care of yourself. We’ve been taught to put everyone else’s needs above our own. Please try not to confuse healthy self care with the selfish narcissistic variety that discounts others.

Self Care is the kind that recognizes that you won't be any good to anyone, including yourself, if you let yourself fall apart.  

But what if that selfishness self-care  is the only way to become"self-less"? I always get drawn to dig deeper  on this topic but today I want to highlight some soothing practices that you can implement in your daily life, moment-to moment that would bring you closer to yourself. It is a practice that you have forgotten, the one that reminds you of your own nature.

Self-Soothing is more than visits to the spa/ nail salon, yoga practice and Prada stores(though I won’t say no to ).  

It is much deeper and more personal and perhaps it is the most important tool of Self -Love.

It is the ability to calm yourself down in moments of fear and vulnerability, and when feeling insecure and intense emotions. 

It is the most soulful food that could nourish and nurture your relationship with yourself and others.  It is as simple as re-parenting yourself . 

If you find yourself missing some soothing skills that naturally could have learned through parenting in childhood, the good news is; it is not too late. I am a recovered self-soother and still find it challenging occasionally. At times, I find myself suddenly  insecure and  become like a child whowaits for Mummy to come back home, or wanting  my pacifier to keep me calm. The good news is that you can always learn, try and learn every moment to find this comfort place daily in the busy-ness of your life.  It is a practice that requires awareness and consistency. I gathered below some productive soothing tools that if practiced, you will become more vibrant, whole and attuned to your own spirit.

EMOTIONAL SOOTHERS

Embrace the scared child in you (literally)
Look for what amazes and astonishes you in the world
Make sure to live as if are worthy of your own time
Learn about the voice that keep you small and safe and disintegrate
Write letter to those people who had hurt you and send to shredder
Do Breath Work to get in touch with emotions
Speak to yourself like you speak to someone you love
Journal, Write your thoughts

MENTAL SOOTHERS

Listening or reading motivational content
Reading intellectual material, or novels
Writing Blogs
Studying, learning
Taking some new courses
Designing your website,blog

PHYSICAL SOOTHERS

Decluttering, Cleaning, Decorating Your Home
Massages, Spa, Exercise, Yoga, Cardio
Cooking Your Favorite Meal
Art, Poetry, Blogging, Social Media
Connecting with like-minded
Attending Theater
Hiking
Visiting Farmer’s Market
Going out of your way for yourself
Spending time with Children

 
ghada khalifeh