How to collect Self-Confidence points?

Self-esteem and Self-confidence are usually associated with each other, and sometimes used synonymously, but they have quite different meanings and functions.

Self-esteem is a measure of one’s feelings of self-love and self-worth, whereas

Self-confidence is a measure of one’s evaluation of one’s ability to perform a task or a skill.

It is quite possible to develop a great degree of self-confidence without an equally high self-esteem. Most people with low self esteem use harsh self-criticisms and both actual and imagined failures as proof of their negative self-evaluations. These individuals rarely give themselves an even break. For them the cup is always half empty. They continue to perform only to feed their belief “I told you so I will never win”, I will never be enough, I will never be perfect.” 

I work with my clients on both equally,  and would like to address how to collect Self-Confidence points

People often think they have to become "confident enough" to do something, wear something, or show something

"I can’t go on a date, or attend Christmas event, or wear a bathing suit in public...because I don’t feel confident enough yet.” 

But the truth is we don’t usually feel confident before we’ve done something—

On the contrary, we become confident through the act of doing something.

I won’t feel confident writing blogs, for instance, until I’ve started writing for a while.

I won’t feel confident spinning in soul cycle class, until I’ve spent some time on the bike. 

Similarly, I might not feel confident in a bathing suit, until I’ve worn a bathing suit a few times (and noticed that the earth doesn’t crumble beneath my feet when I do). 

Waiting to feel “confident enough” to expose yourself in a way that you haven’t in a long time, is a waiting game that could go on for a while.

It is a weight-ing game 



On the contrary, "feel the fear and do it anyway,"

Be un-confident when you're trying something new,

and see how your confidence is built through exposure and experience. 

 Here is an exercise to start collecting some Confidence points:

1- Make a list of the things you are afraid of doing because you feel you are not good enough and why you are afraid.

2- Now go and do those exact things you listed that you are afraid of. Yes go and DO YOUR FEARS!

3- Develop the So what mentality. Even if you fail so what! Failing isn't the end of the world, the quicker you get the failures out of the way, the quicker you'll start succeeding.

4-Repeat and continue on doing not trying!

Keep at Collecting confidence points and experiencing the life you have, but do not forget the solid foundation.

All of the above really has to do with the topping on the cake(foundation). I used to be a gyma-holic and weight lifter and for good years I was so fit and building muscle on top of a “I don’t like me” foundation. I was collecting muscle points so I can like myself. You see the main focus has to be on the cake, to be able to look yourself in the eye and see yourself naked in the mirror and be able to like you, AS IS, without confidence points, If nothing else ever changed, if you never lost or gained another Kg, to be able to say, “I really love and accept you, as is!” and mean it.

The appearance, enhancement , achievements and performances stuff just add to the good feelings.

I am not saying it is not important but without that solid foundation, all this outside stuff can easily become just another addiction, another way of beating yourself up, of building anxiety, of Emotional Eating, of feeding the “not enough-ness syndrome, and the "unattainable goal“ of a perfectionist.

Where do you want to start ?